Part 2...Adventures in the NICU

You never know true heartbreak till you have to leave your child in the hands of strangers. Till you have to willingly give them up despite everything you feel. This was our case when Jeshual was born. My 4lb wonder was as healthy as could be,but he was way to little.

After he was born we were able to spend a little bit of time with him before they took him. During this time it was just Andrew, Jesh and I in our little tiny delivery room, #6 of Community Labor and Delivery :D. During this time I was filled with so many emotions i felt like any second i would go into massive OVERLOAD. Thanks to God, tears of mixed emotions were all that happened.

How could it be? How could my little boy be so small, so healthy, and yet so helpless? How could I be so helpless? With tear filled eyes I handed my 4pound treasure to the nurses and watched them walk away. Ouch! It was hard to understand and conceive that where he was going, he needed to be even though in my head the only place he needed to be was in the arms of his loving Mother and Father.

Andrew and I sat in the delivery room for another hour after they took Jeshual...this hour seemed to go on forever. When we went into the Hospital,  my expected delivery time was going to be later on in the night so when I had my son at 4:12pm a room was not yet prepared for me. When they finally had a room ready for us it was already dark out. After a couple visitors, I couldn't handle it ANYMORE, I NEEDED to see my son. So when I was cleaned up and the nurses were done with me, I rushed off to the NICU.

I entered a very warm room with several machines in it. A nurse finally took me to the machine that housed my little boy. He looked nothing like he did when I first held him. Now he was attached to so many tubes and wires he looked so artificial. I was so scared, so confused, I wanted nothing more than to rip the wires off and run away with him. But in the back of my mind I heard HIS still small voice saying "Trust me, I have him in my hands" Calming down a bit I was able to finally hold my child, wires and all, and cry tears of joy because I knew everything was going to be alright.

The next two or three days went by all mushed together. Andrew and I would go down to the NICU every 2 hours to feed our little guy, and wait anxiously for midnight to roll around and see the weight results. I was crushed when the first two days went by with minimal weight gain, and than suddenly NO weight was gained at all. I started fearing the worst that we were going to be here until his projected due date....a whole month away. I couldnt handle it. I couldnt sleep, couldnt eat, couldnt really function, I felt like my whole world and everything I had worked so hard to create and keep alive, was just....failing. I spent the majority of my time when I wasnt in the NICU in my room on the 3rd floor. Man was I exhausted. Several times I would doze off in the NICU with Jeshual on my chest.

         Being a Medicade patient entiled me to 2 nights in the Labor and Delivery rooms as a natural birth.THankfully the staff at the hospial saw our dedication in being the only parents who would consistantly come down to the NICU every 2 hours, and pushed to get us a room there on the campus of the Hospital. Another good pushing point was the 45 min drive we would have to make to get from our home in Frenchtown to the Hospital in MIssoula. We were given a room called "Mothers Rooming" on the 3rd floor (surgery recovery) for the remainder of our stay, until we could take our precious angel home. Home....I missed it sooo much. I felt trapped in the Hospital, so I spent alot of time in my car talking to a variety of people on the phone. Of course unlike my first two days I was able to come and go as I pleased, and with all the breast milk I had stored up i really didnt need to be there every 2hrs, but I didnt want to miss any chance where my son was awake and I could hold him in my arms.

Finally on day 5 he started to show good signs of weight gain. Not alot, but enough. So they decided to allow him to room in with us. With this news they moved us from the 3rd floor back down to the Labor and Delivery unit where they could keep a close monitoring eye on him. So close that they installed a tracker on him that if he left, or came to close to the barrier...or had no pulse, it would send an emergency warning throughout the hospital security system. Well there went my running away idea, I could take it off but it would register no pulse and send a freak out. so I dealt with it. For 2 days we were able to finally spend Alone time with Jeshual. This ment no nurses 24/7 no cords no machines, just him, and us. Wow what a reliefe, he was slowly gaining weight, and slowly preparing for the world outside the hospital.

The next 2 days went by without a problem as a matter of fact as each day went bye we grew closer and closer to taking him home. The Monday after he was born the 27th was our Baby Shower at the Frenchtown Community Church. We had so desperatly been hoping that Jeshual would be able to attend it with us but instead he was in the NICU for 2 hours while we were away. I hated having to leave him at the hospital, I hadnt left the campus since I got there....I felt like I was abandoning him

At the Shower we saw alot of our friends and were able to share pictures with them. We played games, chatted and comforted each other as the next two hours went by. Finally it was time to return back to the NICU where I would find my handsom little Monkey waiting anxiously for our return...well not really, but i was anxious for our return. We went back to our room and called for our nurse who than brought us our baby boy. This would be our last night in the Hospial before we would emerge a family of 3.
That evening Danielle came in and told us it was time to lean Bathtime so for the first time my son got a Full Body Bath....Naked and all lol. (he had his head washed the first day he was born). We were not to pleased with this. During his bath time his Umbilical cord fell off...Yay!!

That next morning we were woken up by the Morning NICU nurse named Danielle, She told us "Todays the Day" and finally we were able to go home. The last remaining task was for the Nurses staff to do a Carseat test on him. We brought out seat into the NICU where he would have to sit in it for an hour on both a heart and oxygen monitor. So for an hour we sat in our room and packed all our stuff together. After about an hour and 15 min the Danielle returned with a concerned look on her face and explained to us that during the test Jeshuals oxygen levels dropped dangerously low. This ment he could never travel in that carseat. An overwhelming flood of destruction washed over me and I collapesed on the bed. She appologized and said unless we can find a smaller carseat, we would be unable to go home until he could sit in the one we had and pass.I was not determeined to stay there another night. So I went out at 9 o'clock in the morning on Tuesday the 28th and went on my desperte search for a carseat that my son could use to go Home. First I tried Shopko...and failed they had nothing for a baby less than 5 lbs. This was my same problem at both of our MIssoula Wal'Marts, JCPenny's, Sears, and Herbergers. I was able to find one at Target but to my dismay it was sold out. Wow, yet another crushed moment. 

I sat in my car for what seemed like eternity and just wept and called out to God so scared that It would be forever before we could take Jeshual to his home. In the back of my mind I knew I had one last hope and that was to try Kmart. So back accross town I drove. Past the hospital, and the disappointing Shopko. I walked into Kmart where their baby section is all the way on the side of the store. I prayed the entire walk from the door to the first isle of the Infants.

It might as well have been glowing a bright white, the first carseat I layed my eyes on said "For infantes 4LBS TO 22LBS" and they had a few in stock. Looking like I had just found the lost Treasure of Davy Jones, I hurried to the checkout desk and paid $75 for my new carseat (the one at Target would have cost me $160) Thank You LORD!!!! I hurried back to the Hospital with my new find...correction my new Life Line.  I dont think I stopped moving until I was standing, panting in my hospital room. Andrew and I did a quick look over of the carseat and both aggreed this was it, This would get us out of here. Hand in hand we walked to the NICU where they still had Jeshual sleeping in his crib-thing. I showed them the seat and retold the story of my search. Without hesitation the looked it over and buckled him in it. They said this time he would need to remain in the seat without problems for an hour and a half...and this was our last try before it would possibly become a whole new waiting game. The time passed fairly slowly seeing as we had nothing to do now that we had already packed up our room earlier that morning. It was mid-afternoon now, around 4 O'clock. When again i looked up at the clocked it was 12 after 4. Happy 1 week  Birthday Jeshual. When 4:30 came around the nurse came into our room wheeling our beautiful baby boy and carrying our Sucessful carseat. HOME HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once home I finally was able to let the exhaustion overcome me and Im almost possitive I slept the rest of the day and the whole night, but Andrew refused to tell me how long I was out. I fell asleep on our bed that was COVERED with baby gifts from the day before...I didnt care, I made a small little whole and curled up. within seconds I was GONE.

Look for more stories in the days to come....